i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
