Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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