its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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