this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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