gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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