the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
