Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
