Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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