i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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