you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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