Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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