I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
