She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
