Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Watching her eat just hurts me
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
