dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
