We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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