Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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