we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
