apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
