I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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