Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
