I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
