My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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