You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
