I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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