last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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