i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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