Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
