the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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