he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
