and you said cock pushups were impossible
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
