im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
