remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
