I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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