i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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