you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
