Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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