I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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