So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
