i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
