she looked like the bat from fern gully.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
