so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
