you guys were way drunker than both of me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
