At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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