Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
