letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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