Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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