so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
