just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
