Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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