I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
