I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
