just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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