Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize