Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
