I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
