quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize