you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
