My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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