shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
