Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
