Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
