Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
