Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
