I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is it because I queefed?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
