Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
