now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
