Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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