she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
