you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So much rum. So many feels.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
