I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
