My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize