her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
